Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Full Sukarno`s Speech of The Declaration of Independence

Time has been passing by very quickly since 17th of August 1945. Now it has been 64 years since the declaration of independence was proclaimed. Speaking about the declaration of independence, some of us maybe puzzled with the simplicity of the proclamation text. Especially recalling that Sukarno was known as great orator. Hence, in my opinion, it is not too much for us to expect a more "heroic declaration", isn`t it?

Actually Sukarno did say something before and after reading the proclamation text. The full text of the speech wasn`t published widely due to some unclear reasons. According to the famous Indonesianist from Cornell University, George McKahin, it was done to prevent harsh respond from the Japanese army and the military police/kenpentai who had nearly zero tolerance for any assertive Indonesian nationalism. The full text of the speech was obtained by Kahin from Haji Agus Salim, The minister of foreign affairs, in 1948 along with its English translation. Unfortunately in his publication, Kahin only quoted the English translation only. Nevertheless, the English translation is quite sufficient if we want to know at large about the Soekarno`s speech.

Here is the English translation of the speech

Brothers and Sisters All!

I have asked you to be in attendance here in order to witness an event in our history of the utmost importance.

For decades we, the People of Indonesia, have struggled for the freedom of our country—even for hundreds of years!

There have been waves in our actions to win independence which rose, and there have been those that fell, but our spirit still was set in the direction of our ideals.

Also during the Japanese period our efforts to achieve national independence never ceased. In this Japanese period it merely appeared that we leant upon them. But fundamentally, we still continued to build up our own powers, we still believed in our own strengths.

Now has come the moment when truly we take the fate of our actions and the fate of our country into our own hands. Only a nation bold enough to take its fate into its own hands will be able to stand in strength.

Therefore last night we had deliberations with prominent Indonesians from all over Indonesia. That deliberative gathering was unanimously of the opinion that NOW has come the time to declare our independence.

Brothers and Sisters:

Herewith we declare the solidarity of that determination.

Listen to our proclamation:


So it is, Brothers and Sisters!

We are now already free!

There is not another single tie binding our country and our people!

As from this moment we build our state. A free state, the State of the Republic of Indonesia—evermore and eternally independent. Allah willing, God blesses and makes safe this independence of ours!

Merdeka !! ^_^

Kahin, G. 2000. Sukarno Proclamation of The Indonesian Independence. Indonesia: volume 69. South East Asia Program Publication. Cornell University

Read more!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The AURI strikes back !

Our air force began with one pilot and a handful of junked Dutch planes. Volunteers were put through a rigorous examination. The sole question asked was "would you dare go up in our planes?" If they answered "yes". They were inducted into the air force
(Soekarno : An Autobiography page 243)

It was still a foggy dawn on 29th of July 1947 when roaring engines sound of two modified Curen basic trainers and a Guntei dive bombers owned by the Indonesian Air Force (AURI) suddenly emerged at Maguwo airfield. The three airplanes were going to perform a bombing mission against dutch-occupied targets as a revenge for their millitary agression 8 days earlier. As time went to 5 am, the planes started leaving the runaway to the Jogja sky. The Guntei crewed by flight cadet Muljono as pilot and Dulrachman as his gunner took off first and headed toward Semarang. Then followed by the first Curen, piloted by flight cadet Sutardjo Sigit with a gunner also named Sutardjo, aimed for Salatiga. Lastly the second curen, piloted by flight cadet Suharnoko Harbani with Kaput as his gunner, went off toward Ambarawa.

The Curen airplanes, one of the planes that participated in the air raid

The Curen airplanes were originally made as basic trainer with minimum equipments that technically ruled them out for a combat mission. Standard equipment such as navigational equipment, radio for communication purpose and even signal lamps couldn`t be found aboard. The airmen were only given portable flashlights as a communication device as well as search light as replacement. on the other hand, the pilots were only flight cadet with no night flight and combat experiences. And to make it worse, there were chances that they could be intercepted by the more superior P-40 kitty hawk fighter of the Dutch air force. Hence, it could be said that it was such a high risk (if not nearly suicidal) mission. Despite such obstacles, the mission had to go on.

Airmen of The 29th July 1947 Air Raid (R-L : cadet Suharnoko Harbani, cadet Sutardjo Sigit,cadet Mulyono, Kaput, Abdulrachman and Sutardjo)

The first Curen that went to Salatiga had it own story regarding the mission. Due to some technical difficulties at the time of plane modification, this curen couldn`t be armed with machine gun to defend itself. So Sutardjo the gunner only had manually thrown incendiary bombs at his disposal which was rather difficult to use against agile fighters (such as P-40 Kitty Hawks). The Curen had three bomb handles located at the left side of the pilot seat. The red handle would release one set of bombs which was placed at container below the left wing while the second handle with green colour woluld release set of bombs under the right wing. The third handle, coloured yellow, would release another set of bombs simultaneously at the right and left wing of the airplane.

As the plane approached its target at Salatiga, it began conducting diving maneuver to bomb the target. The first bomb on the left wing was successfully release and hit the target. However the green handle was broken because the wooden handle had decayed and to make it worse, the same thing also occured with the yellow handle. in that critical situation, the flight cadet Sutardjo Sigit managed to reach wires that connect the handles with the bombs. In that split seconds, he managed to pull altogether the wires and triggered the bomb`s release mechanism. After the mission had been accomplished, the curen flew back to Maguwo and successfully avoided being intercepted by Dutch`s Kitty Hawk by flying low several metres above trees. The other two planes also manage to finish their mission and landed safely at Maguwo. The airplanes then rushed into their hideout at the vicinity of Maguwo to prevent its destruction from retaliation attack by the Dutch. As predicted, The Dutch indeed attacked the Maguwo Airfield and done some damages to the airfield facilities. Fortunately, none was killed.

Sadly, the joy wasn`t last long. In the evening, the Dutch Kitty Hawks shot down a C-47 Dakota VT-CLA which carried medicine from Malaya Red Cross for Indonesian Red Cross. The plane then crashed at Ngoto village on the westside of Maguwo airfield. The crash casualities included three air force officer; commodore Adi Sucipto, commodore Abdur Rahman Saleh and officer(?) Adi Sumarmo; Zainal Arifin (Indonesian trade consul for Malaya) along with the air crews of the Dakota.

The fateful C-47 Dakota VT -CLA who was shotdown near Maguwo Airfield

The raid mission by the Guntei and Curen airplanes might be only did minimum damage to the Dutch facilities due to the insignificant number of planes involved. Nevertheless it succeeded in giving them physcological shock because they didn`t even think the Indonesian Air Force had the ability to conduct an air raid against them. On the opposite side, the raid significantly boosted the moral of the Indonesian armed forces after the Dutch millitary agresion on 21st of July (especially AURI that had lost most of its plane) and proved their bravery and determination despite numerous limitation. To commemorate the raid and the tragedy of Dakota C-47, started from 29 thJuly 1961, the day was enacted as the service day of the air force (Hari Bhakti Angkatan Udara)

Reference and Further Reading
Tabloid Patriot, August 2006 edition
Hari Bhakti Angkatan Udara on Official website of TNI AU
Irna A.N et al. Awal Kerdigantaraan di Indonesia; Perjuangan AURI (1945-1950) Penerbit Obor
Read more!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The National Awakening Day-Is it 20th May or 16th October ?

For 101 years, Boedi Utomo has been regarded as The pioneer of Nationalist movement in Indonesia that lead to the Independence of Indonesia on 17th of August 1945. Thus its founding day on 20th of May is widely celebrated as The National Awakening Day (of Indonesian Nationalist Movement). However it becomes many people concern regarding on whether they were the first nationalist organization. On the other hand, the nature of Boedi Oetomo itself promote another question on whether it was really a nationalist movement after all?

As you already know, Boedi Utomo was founded on 20th of May 1908 by Dr Sutomo and his friends from School of Medicine STOVIA. Raden T Tirtokusumo, The regent of Karangayar , was elected as the first chief until 1911 and then he was succeeded by Arjo Noto Dirojo, a Prince from Pakualaman Palace. The first Congress of Boedi Oetomo on July 1908 described the nature of the the organization as :
  • Focus in education, training and ethic
  • Provides and collects scholarship (studie fonds)
  • Apolitical
  • Accepts member from Java and Madura only

The First Boedi Oetomo Congress on July 1908 (Source :

Savitri Prasisti Scherer wrote in her (well looks like a woman name for me :P) thesis in 1975 at Cornell University about the main idea behind the foundation of Boedi Oetomo. She described the confrontation (or feeling of inequality to be precised) occured in Java between two upper classes, i.e. Noblemen versus intellectuals (notably medical doctors). Learning the situation, Dr Sutomo found the organization in order to give confidence or feeling of equality to his doctor colleagues in front of the noblemen of Java. Furthermore Suwarno, the secretary of Boedi Oetomo in Batavia Branch issued a writing to explain the objective behind the founding of Boedi Oetomo, the objective turned out to be the pioneer of Java Unity (Algemeene Javaansche Bond)

After learning the nature of Boedi Oetomo and the objective of its founding, many people question the wisdom behind the appointment of 20th of May as The National Awakening Day. Especially if there was another organization that were founded before 1908 and showed the nature of a pioneer of Indonesian nationalist movement. The organization is Sarekat Dagang Islam which was founded 3 years before Boedi Oetomo on 16th of October 1905 and later evolved to Sarekat Islam on 1911.

In his book “Syarikat Islam Bukan Budi Utomo: Meluruskan Sejarah Pergerakan Bangsa", KH Firdaus AN revealed the inclusiveness of Syarikat Islam by pointing out the multirace leadership of Syarikat Islam that consisted of Hj Samanhudi, HOS Tjokroaminoto (both are Javanese), Abdoel Moeis, Agus Salim (both are West Sumatranese) and AM Sangaji (Ambonese). However, the nature of the organization itself is quite interesting. Initially, the organization was cautious to confront the Dutch Colonial Government, as stated by Tjokroaminoto himself at the first Sarekat Islam Congress in 1913

First Sarekat Islam Congress in 1913 (Source :
"We are loyal toward the Government; we are satisfied with the Dutch Government; it is not true that we want to fight; he who says so or thinks so, is not sane, we don't want to fight, a thousand times, NO! The Sarekat Islam is not a political party; it is not a party that wants revolution, as many think."
However, as the time went by and the strength of Sarekat Islam grew to 800.000 members, (other source only mentions around 300.000 members) in 1917-1918 they began openly critical to the Dutch Colonial Government and became a non-cooperative movement.

The history book on the shelf is always repeating itself, ABBA said :D So after more than 60 years since it was first celebrated on 20th of May 1948, will we repeat it again after this year?
Only time will tell...

Reference and Further Reading

Boedi Oetomo, Syarikat Islam dan Kebangkitan Nasional
Seabad Boedi Oetomo-Tepatkah 20 Mei Jadi Harkitnas?
Seratus tahun Boedi Oetomo
Kenapa Menggugat Boedi Oetomo?
The Sarekat Islam by Peter Lowensteyn
Kebangkitan Nasional atau Kebangkitan Elit Jawa?
Read more!

Monday, May 4, 2009

The Dream of Great Nusantara

Imagine a large country in South East Asia that combine the area of present Indonesia, Malaysia ,Singapore and the southern provinces of Thailand. The country also has full jurisdiction over strait of Malacca, one of the busiest oil choke points in the world. It seems like a purely daydream in present situation. However at one time, there were efforts to establish the dream.

It was started when The Anglo-Dutch Treaty of 1824 and The Anglo-Siamese Treaty of 1909 were signed. The treaties officially divided the Nusantara or the Malay world into Malaya Peninsular which was ruled by Great Britain, The Dutch East Indies (later become Indonesia) which was ruled by The Netherlands and southern Thailand provinces. The treaty itself only involved The Netherlands, Great Britain and Siamese Kingdom without any support from the Malay as the indigenous community. Moreover, although there was a dividing line between the communities from both areas, they shared many similarities in term of languages, cultures and religion.

Time went by and nationalism start to grow at both areas. Indonesia experienced it first at 1900`s, marked by Sarekat Dagang Islam which later evolved to Sarekat Islam (sorry, I believe Budi Utomo didn`t promote national awakening of Indonesia :D) and reached its peak at 1920`s with the emergence of Sukarno as the de facto nationalist leader. Most Indonesian nationalists promoted the Independence of Indonesia through non cooperation way and was considered radical by the Dutch colonial government. Their acts inspired many students at Malaya Peninsular, especially the students at Sultan Idris Training College (SITC) who was dubbed as The birthplace of Malay Nationalism. The students, led by Ibrahim Yaacob, began subscribing to Indonesian periodicals like the Fikiran Rakyat (’People’s Thought’) and they even individually joined Sukarno’s Nationalist Party (Partai Nasional Indonesia, PNI) in secret. Since then, they became the nucleus of non aristocrat intellectuals with strong anti British tendency and also critical to their upper class British educated counterparts

Later on, in conjuction with their strong anti colonialist sentiment, they began to write and speak about the need to free people of Nusantara (in this context only refer to Indonesia and Malaya peninsula) from colonialism and re-unite them under the banner of a unitary political entity of `Greater Malay`. Some other sources refer the union to 'Greater Indonesia', however I prefer `Greater Nusantara' which seems neutral compare to the previous two terms :D. Other than Ibrahim Yaacob and his coleagues, the Indonesian and Malay student at Al Azhar University Cairo also voiced the same idea through their journals, "Seruan Azhar" and "Pilihan Timoer".

Ibrahim Yaakob and his colleagues pursue the idea of Greater Nusantara through Kesatuan Melayu Muda which was found at 1938, then KRIS (Kesatuan Rakyat Indonesia Semenanjung) after KMM was disbanded by the Japanese and finally later through PKMM (Partai Kebangsaan Melayu Malaya) after the WW II over. One of their effort was to let the Indonesian nationalist knew about their plan. It was not widely known in Indonesia that upon completing their journey to meet Admiral Terauchi in Dalat, Sukarno-Hatta stopped at Taiping, Perak and met with Ibrahim Yaakob. In his book, "Sekitar Malaya Merdeka", he described the meeting as followed :

In their talks, Soekarno who accompanied Hatta shook Ibrahim’s hand and said: “Let’s create one motherland for those of Indonesian stock.” Ibrahim Yaacob replied: “We Malays will faithfully create the motherland by uniting Malaya with an independent Indonesia (Translated by Soh Byungkuk)

After Indonesia declared their Independence at 17th August 1945, the dream of union was near to become reality when the British introduced The Malaya Union proposal at 10 October 1945. The sentiment against the idea was so strong and forced the Malay community to consider PKMM idea of Greater Nusantara. But the idea finally vanished after the proposal of Malaya federation was accepted by the British and it received the final blow after British captured the key leaders of PKMM due to The Malayan Emergency in 1948.

What went wrong that cause the strugle of Greater Nusantara ended as a failure?
Hmm.. I guess I`ll put it in my next writing.. :P

References and further reading
The Broken Dream of Malaya Raya by Farish A Noor
Ideals Without Heat: Indonesia Raya and The Strugle for Independence in Malaya (1920-1948) by Soh Byungkuk
Soekarno-Ibrahim in Taiping by Rosihan Anwar
William Roff, 1967, The Origins of Malay Nationalism, New Haven: Yale University Press

Read more!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Story of Our Stories

Most of us (or should I say everyone?) love stories. Our early years begin with stories told by our parent, grandparents, other relatives, story tellers, cartoons on TV, etc. We also practice our A,B,C mainly by reading simple stories and not books about management or phase transformation in metals :P And finally as we grow up and understand life better, we renew our interest in stories by acknowledging that we are indeed hold a leading role in a story. The story of our life.

What kind of story do you have?

Is it full of happiness as in fairy tales or full of misery and tragedy as in Hamlet? Is it interesting, full of twists and turns as in The Usual Suspect or boring as life in Island of Utopia? Is it full of glory and triumph as in biography of Khalid ibn Walid or heroic but tragic as in biography of Michael Collins ? (the Irish patriot of course, not the astronaut :D). Is it as predictable as the big four in English Premier League or is it as unpredictable as the big four in Indonesian Premier League? :))

One for sure, it is unique. Your story is different from the rest of the world. Why? Because you are the main actor and as an entity, you are different from the others. That uniqueness make some of us lucky enough to have their story published in a "based on a true story" movies or novels and make a good amount of fortune from that :D

A well-known proverb said that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. That greedy side of human being is the reason why some of us wish to have other person`s story that appears better than ours. The question is, will it suits us? will we be happy in our new story as we expected? Nobody can guarantee that.

On the other hand, there are people who always complaining about their stories. They tell everyone as if they are the most unfortunate creature in the universe. Well.. I should say they are right, as long as they think so about themselves. But the truth is, If one of this "miserable creature" could see this sentence, they are actually part of 23.52 % of world population that is so fortunate to enjoy the benefit of internet connection. Furthermore, I would say to this creature to open their eyes and see other benefits that they have taken for granted all this time. Hence hopefully they will think that their stories aren`t that bad. Hopefully.... :D Anyway, if they choose to remain eternally miserable, it`s not a problem for me. It is their stories after all :P

For me, if someone asks me about my story, I will answer that it is indeed a great story! :)
Read more!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Leo Tolstoy-What Men Live By? (Part 2)

Finally.. another weekend :D so I can continue the interrupted story from last weekend :P. Anyway.. Where were I stopped last weekend? Oh.. ok I stopped at the three questions

1. What dwells in man?
2. What is not given to man?
3. What men live by?

What dwells in man?
It is love.

At the first encounter with Simon and also Matryona, Michael could only saw and learned their egoistic side. He saw that their face looked terrible and covered with death. However, both of them quickly realized their mistake and start to aware of Michael`s suffering. Then Michael saw changes on their face. Death no longer dwelt on their face and he could felt love that originated from God. Thus he smiled for having found out the answer of the question.

I believe God has created human of the best stature (Qur`an 95:4) and love become an inseparable part of it. But somehow often our prejudice prevail over our sense of love, such as demonstrated by Simon and his wife in their first meeting with Michael. Moreover, more than once we (Especially myself -_-) mismanage our love. Blind love only lead to disaster

What is not given to man
It is to know his own needs (in the future)

In the story, the man who came to Simon workshop had expected that he will have shoes that last for a year. He even threatened driving Simon to jail if his work cannot last for that duration of time. However, Michael knew that the man would die before sunset because he saw his comrade, angel of death, followed the man. Michael smiled because the man hadn`t known his own need in the future. It was slippers instead of boots that he really needed in the future

We often act like the man. We plan what we will do in the future but we forget that the future is still beyond our reach. Does our plan suit our need in the future? Will it be good for us in the future or will it ruin us?

In the midst of this uncertainty, there is a glimmer of hope. A hope that is described as "mellow light coming from beyond pessimism" and "heroic feeling of not of a hero but of an ordinary man who has done his duty and accepted his destiny" by Alija Ali Izetbegovic, former president of Bosnia and Herzegovina. It is called submission to God or "tawakal" in other word.

In conclusion, there is nothing wrong in planning our future. It is even said that failure in making plan means we plan our failure. Nevertheless, it must be remembered that after all things have been planned, we submit ourself to God and hope that our plan will suit our need in the future. Or we hope that God will replaces it with the better one.

What men live by
It is live by God

Near the end of the story, we learn that Michael was punished for refusing to take the twins mother life. He felt worry because he had thought the twins wouldn`t survive without their mother. However it turned out that God had other and even better plan for the twins. After heard the Lady`s story, Michael smiled and realized the truth behind the old proverb which says "One may live without father or mother, but one cannot live without God"

The question on what we live by has strong connection with another question, that is what we live for. In every journey there is destination. In every task, there is objective to fulfill. And the same thing also apply to more general case, the human life, it must also has a goal. It might starts with short term goal and then moves to mid term goal, long term goal, and so on. Finally after all of these can be achieved, questions will start to emerge.

"Is it all?"
"have we achieved our goal in life?"

As a Moslem, we should know the answer of these big question in life. It has already been written in our guide book, the Qur`an
"And I have not created the jinn and the men except that they should serve Me"
(Qur`an 51:56)
To be a good servant of God, that is the answer. The goal has deeper meaning more than just doing daily routine prays. It has concern with every aspects of our life. How do we do our work everyday, deal with other people, eat, sleep, make a family, and much more. These activities must be done based on our goal, which is to be a good servant of God. By knowing the answer on how we live for, the reason behind why we must live by God could be more understood.

I found this story is enlightening through the three questions. However it should be noted that according to Islam, angel wouldn`t disobey God`s order. And the idea of "He who has love, is in God, and God is in him" is alien in Islam because the creator an the created one must be in different entity. Nevertheless, it is still a good story to contemplate ;)

Al Qur`anul Karim (English translation by Yusuf Ali, Pickthal and Shakir)
- Izetbegovic, Alija. 1989. Islam Between East and West. Indianapolis American Trust Publications.
What Men Live By in Project
Read more!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Leo Tolstoy-What Men Live By? (Part 1)

What Men Live By is one of Leo Tolstoy`s short stories. I remember read it for the first time in one big book entitled "Leo Tolstoy Collected Short Stories" (forgot the exact title of the book, but sounds like that :P) which I borrow from ITB library.

It tell us story about Simon the shoemaker who encountered a neglected mysterious man in the middle of cold winter night. He then took the man to his house and got hostile reception from his wife, Matryona, who felt the man as an "additional expense" to their poor family. However Simon successfully persuade Matryona to accept the man presence. Matryona even felt touched with the man`s suffering and became fond of him. After she showed her kindness to the man, Suddenly, the man smile at her.

Simon decided to train the man (who at this time only introduced himself as Michael) as his assistant. Michael proved himself as an skilled assistant and help established Simon reputation as the best shoemaker in the area. Despite this, Michael seemed to have his own world. He rarely talk, joke or laugh. He even never smiled again since he had smiled to Matryona.

One day, A Gentleman came to Simon workshop with a fine leather. He wanted Simon to make him boots that will last for a year. Simon accepted the offer after consulted Michael. Strangely, at one moment, Michael stared at the corner of the workshop right behind the gentleman and suddenly smiled. His second smile after one year working with Simon. After the gentleman had left the workshop, Michael started working with the leather, but instead of making boots, he made slippers. Simon became worried because the gentleman had threatened to punish him if his work weren`t acceptable.However, it turned out that Michael had done the right thing because the gentleman passed away that afternoon and what he need is slippers instead of boots

Year by year passing by, Now he had lived for 6 year with Simon. As previous years, Michael still behave strangely and smiled only twice for all these years. One day a lady with her twin girls came to Simon workshop to have their shoe made by Simon. One of the girls was crippled. At that time, Simon became amazed with attention that Michael gave to the twins as if he had known them before. When Simon asked the Lady about the twins, She explained that they weren`t her daughters. She had adopted them because their mother had died after giving birth while their father had passed away three days before. One of the twins was crippled because her mother incidentally rolled over the baby leg when she was dying. Since then, The lady took them and treat them as if they were her own children. After hearing this, Michael started to smile.. his third smile and led to the conclusion of the story

At the end, it is explained that Michael was an angel who had been punished for disobeying God. He was sent to earth as a human and must learned 3 things before he God forgave him.

1. What dwells in man?
2. What is not given to man?
3. What men live by?

He smiled three times because he had learned the answer for the three questions through his life with Simon and his family.

So what did Michael learn from the three questions?
And also, what have I learned from the three qustions?

Lets find out in my next post.. :P
(It`s already too long for a post, so I think it would be better to separate it into 2 posts.. :D and hopefully I`m not too lazy to write this weekend.. *sigh)

Read more!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

A Contemplation..

It was 11.30 PM at one rainy night. A man was sitting on balcony of his rent apartment while staring into the rapidly descending path of water. He slowly slurped a glass of hot milk and then put the glass on the balcony wall. His minds flew back few years ago when he had read the hadith for the first time

Ali Bin Abi Talib, The Prophet's cousin and the husband of his daughter Fatimah reported that the during a funeral in what is now known as Jannat-ul-Baqi in Madinah, The Prophet PBUH (Peace Be Upon Him) approached the Companion and sat among them. He had a stick with him and he thoughtfully scratched the earth with it for a while, and then said,“There is not one amongst you for whom a seat in paradise or hell has not been allotted, and about whom it has not been written down whether he would be an evil person or a blessed person”. A companion asked,“Allah’s Messenger, should we not then depend on our destiny and abandon our deeds?” Thereupon, The Prophet PBUH replied,“Acts of everyone will be facilitated in that which has been created for him. So, whoever belongs to the company of the blessed will have good works made easier for him, and whoever belongs to the wretched ones will have evil acts made easier for him.”

The man stood still on the balcony and started questioning himself.

Would he be a part of company of the blessed?
or part of company of the wretched?

He was then contemplating about his destiny and his fate in the afterlife. Would it be like a "choose your own adventure" storybook? He smiled and remembered reading such a book in his boyhood. The book was different from ordinary children storybook. At certain point of the story, he must choose what the main character of the story would do. Would Pinocchio choose to go to the circus instead of going home? or would Pinocchio stayed aboard the ship instead of jump? (He only had Pinocchio in his collection of choose your own adventure book :P) Thus instead of linear storyline, it has multiple storyline and also multiple endings. Then he imagined about his own "choose your own adventure" that God had created for him. The difference is he couldn`t turn back into previous chapter if he had met an unsatisfactory ending..

Flash of memories were passing by inside his head. Some were good, some were bad, some put smile on his lips, some made him closed his eyes and wondering why on earth he had done it. He realized that too many sins he had made... Too many mistakes and blunders he had done.. Too many people had their feeling hurt by him

He felt gloomy.He didn`t know whether he`d be part of company of the blessed with such many sins...

"Khauf wal raja.... fear and hope..." He heard the sound from within himself

"It must be balanced, between fear and hope", he thought. "It is good to worry about my sin but I must try to be an optimist so that I could be better in the future", he talked to himself

He slowly recited the pray,

"God, forgive my sins in the past... It such a plenty of sins that brings me closer to the company of the wretched"

"Help me to distance myself from company of the wretched.. Grant me uneasiness if I close to doing sins"

"Help me to get closer to the company of the blessed.. Grant me easiness to do a good deeds"

"Yaa muqollibal qulub tsabit quluubana ala tho’atika. O, Allah, the turner of the hearts, turn my heart to Thine obedience"

Rain droplets were still falling from the dark cloudy sky.. Droplets by droplets fell as if they recite praises to God..
Read more!